He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
