I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
