the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
