there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
