It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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