Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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