He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
