needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
