You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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