It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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