I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
