she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
