thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
