Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
