About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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