i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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