Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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