My sheets look like a crime scene.
I need help removing her.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize