It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
