Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
