Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
