Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
