THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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