Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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