And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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