Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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