bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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