He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
