im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
