now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
