Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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