I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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