you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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