Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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