My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
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