Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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