Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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