why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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