Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I need to sanitize my soul.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
