Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
