Non-Jews are for practice
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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