I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize