hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's never too late to be topless.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
