I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
