my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
