Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
then he tried to convert me to islam
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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