i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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