So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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