You're completely useless in the revolution.
from now on my penis is your penis
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Randomize
