Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
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