The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
