Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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