I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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