i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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