Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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