the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
