Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
