Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
