Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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