I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
