it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
