My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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