Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
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his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
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You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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