I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
