I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
